thoughts

I don't really know why I decided to write tonight. It's nearly 12 and I honestly should be going to bed. So much has been happening that I have no really desire to talk about, at least not on such a public forum.

And yet, I do seem to be drawn to writing at this odd hour. For no decipherable rhyme or reason, I sit in from of my little screen in my little room as part of my little world.

It's a interesting concept, and one I have been thinking about for awhile. How often are we the center of our own little worlds? No really, step back for a second and think: how much do you do, every day, that is wholly and completely about you? Probably more that you think.

But in truth, we have no world, nor even our own space. No plot of land or deed of ownership. Rather, everything we have is lent to us. I forget that. A lot. I always say "my" money, "my" time, "my" car, "my" life. God I am a fool sometimes.

I have nothing that is not given to me. I have no claim to anything material or spiritual except through Christ. We know this to be true, every one of us in our own way, yet we deny it every day.

I have no desire to sleep right now. I have so much, and I have no idea what to use it for. Not only money, but intelligence and ability. I have talent that I don't use. I squander my time because I never have to try. I never fail because of any lack of ability, but always a lack of reason.

Is it worse to waste ability, or to never have it? I don't claim to know.