Set It Off

I seem to be getting into a habit of posting late at night. I guess that works for me. /shrug

I've been thinking about what God wants from me, what direction he is leading me. I know that he wants me to be a part of ministry, but I don't know how to get there. I am currently going for game design, and I know I'd be damn good at it. Obviously, this sounds very proud, but I've realized something about myself: I am rather self defeating. Often times my biggest obstacle is my own self-consciousness, and I end up playing down my God given gifts. I am excellently suited to programming, as I have an extremely analytical outlook on life. I try to find logic in everything, and I am constantly questioning what I already know. I've said before that I have a head for useless facts, but I don't really think that anymore. I simply have a head for facts.

In the past few weeks, I have been finding who I am, and who I want to be. I want to be a role model, but right now I am weak. But maybe that is the biggest reason I want to lead. I am nothing, but with God, I know I can do all things. No one should follow me. Not a single person should ever model their life off of mine, but I earnestly hope and pray and chase after a single quality: That when someone sees me, they will see a broken vessel, whom God has returned to form and purposed for perfection. Who I was will never be more than nothing, but with God filling my heart, rushing through my veins with the purest ecstasy, I am more than a conquerer in Christ (I'm reading through Romans right now, if you hadn't guessed).

Life's too short, eh? Maybe I can try to life my life unto God. Everything will be better if I do, I have that knowledge in my mind. God, help me put to death my own self-consciousness and be the person I really am: A metal head, a technophile, a man with problems, and above all else, a man redeemed.

RISE! 
Let your spirit fly!
RISE!
Stand up for yourself!
RISE!
Hold your head up high!
Set It Off - P.O.D

thoughts

I don't really know why I decided to write tonight. It's nearly 12 and I honestly should be going to bed. So much has been happening that I have no really desire to talk about, at least not on such a public forum.

And yet, I do seem to be drawn to writing at this odd hour. For no decipherable rhyme or reason, I sit in from of my little screen in my little room as part of my little world.

It's a interesting concept, and one I have been thinking about for awhile. How often are we the center of our own little worlds? No really, step back for a second and think: how much do you do, every day, that is wholly and completely about you? Probably more that you think.

But in truth, we have no world, nor even our own space. No plot of land or deed of ownership. Rather, everything we have is lent to us. I forget that. A lot. I always say "my" money, "my" time, "my" car, "my" life. God I am a fool sometimes.

I have nothing that is not given to me. I have no claim to anything material or spiritual except through Christ. We know this to be true, every one of us in our own way, yet we deny it every day.

I have no desire to sleep right now. I have so much, and I have no idea what to use it for. Not only money, but intelligence and ability. I have talent that I don't use. I squander my time because I never have to try. I never fail because of any lack of ability, but always a lack of reason.

Is it worse to waste ability, or to never have it? I don't claim to know.

He is We

I can not recommend this band enough. Really, they are amazing. If you like good music, you need to go listen to this now.

http://heiswe.bandcamp.com/

Also, you can download all the songs there for free.

And if you can't make yourself find a song on the link, all you have to to do is watch this video for an awesome song! Then you can go click the link and download all the music. =)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gbo3LYv7V2c