I have decided they can...well. Not read it.
That said, I have had an emotional week and a half. What? guys have feelings? Indeed, shocking I know. This is the first time I've been working for a summer, and in many ways it has been awesome. At the same time though, I have a lot less free time than I'm used to, and when other important things come up, it's harder to deal with them. I spent all of last week trying to see my girlfriend before she left the country for a month, and every day something got in the way. I was getting very discouraged and started to doubt a lot of things in my life I held certain. I questioned if I should go to school next semester, if I really wanted to do game design, and if Mariko and I would be able to keep our relationship going from an hour away.
In many ways, that was what hurt the most. For two and a half years I've known I wanted Mariko. I never doubted her or our relationship until last week. Not only that, I had never really taken a hard look at what life was going to throw at us. College is hard work and stress, especially for someone like Mariko. What if we don't have enough time to see each other? With all of these things swirling around my head, I finally got to spend a day with her on Sunday.
I think we'll be ok.
Yes, it may be different, but the simple truth is I love being with her. She makes me happy. I don't want to give that up. There's a lot of confusion in my life right now, with trying to see friends, work, and helping with youth group, and I've been basing my identity in Mariko. With her leaving I was freaking out about what life is going to like. In truth, not that different. A month away sucks, but I have a life here that I can enjoy, and it gives me some much needed time to reestablish my life on God's word.
That's all for now. Hopefully I'll post more soon.
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