A Clever Title

Having a job is amazing. Yes, the money is nice, but that's not really what I'm talking about. Every summer, I would half-heartedly look for a job, not find one, and end up staying home for almost the entire summer. At the time, I thought that's what I wanted, to be free to do whatever I wanted to do. It never really worked out like that though. I was always bored and melancholy, and I never felt good about anything I did. Sure, it was great for a week or two, but soon I got into a rut and just didn't do anything, and all the video games I play for fun just felt like a way to waste time.

Now, when I get back from work I feel so much more relaxed, and I can actually enjoy the games I have. I don't feel guilty about playing games because I know that I have accomplished something. It's a nice feeling.

The money is nice too. =)

Adventures

Pictures hold such amazing stories. I spent some time today looking through some of the things I've done over the past year, and it baffles me how blessed I've been. It is the condition of the human mind to remember the bad and forget the good, but pictures are different. Pictures retain joy and feeling, a reminder of times spent laughing with friends.

It has been my great privileged to be friends with some amazing photographers, each of whom have chronicled different parts of my life. The most influential of them would have to be my friend Carolyn. There is a joy attached to her pictures, not just from the memories she captures, but also from the act of capturing them. She is rarely without her camera, snapping away seemingly endlessly at this and that, little things of no apparent importance. But when I see these pictures, weeks, months, or years later, I am always reminded of the adventures we've had. It is surprising how much the little nothings she has captured can mean to me. A slightly blurry picture, filled with little quirks of facial expressions: a little slice of real life that mean more to me than an artistic shot.

Carolyn has the rare gift of being about to capture real life. Yes, it might not technically be a "good" picture, and yes, most people wouldn't think much of it, but to those that were there, that experienced that bit of life together, there are few things more valuable. I have been blessed by her passion for pictures, and I look forward to the up and coming adventures that we will see. When you're friends with Carolyn, there is always an adventure to be found.

Indescribable

Hiking was a good experience for me. God's creation is unspeakably beautiful, and there's no way to describe standing on a mountain watching the sun rise. I was deeply moved by the scope of it, and I couldn't help but be reminded how small I am. The mountains were stunning, but the absolute pinnacle of my trip was a waterfall we saw driving back. I've always thought waterfalls we amazing, but pictures can never reveal the majesty. I stood on the rocks underneath it and marveled at the size and volume of it all. A light mist of water was constantly brushing across my face, chilling and refreshing me. It was a masterpiece, and as I watched it I was struck by a thought. God created such stunning beauty on earth, sights that terrify and thrill you, sights that take your breath away...How much greater will it be in Heaven?

We have an amazing God.

Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name
You are amazing God
All powerful, untameable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
Indescribable - Chris Tomlin

The Riot

Screams pound into my ears, my muscles tensing and relaxing in time with the chant. My breath runs ragged and my heart chokes as I pound my first into the air. Bodies press against me, fighting to release the energy inside. Waiting for the beat to begin we shove and yell, yearning to push and slam against those around us. A bestial vigor that turns off the brain, leaving only the movement and screaming. With a screech of agony the music rolls in...and The Riot begins.


It's always funny to me when I talk to girls about metal and screamo. Very few understand the utter joy of succumbing to the music and throwing off the need for order. Destruction and chaos are things of beauty when in the context of a mosh pit. Our society stresses the importance of being tame and controlled, but there are times when a guy just needs to behave without reservation.

Yes, I know it most sound funny coming from me. I'm not exactly a "manly" man (heh). In a way, I think that makes my point more valid. I'm a very passive person, and I still revel in the chaos of music. I don't ask to anyone to understand. Just to stay out of the way and let the boys Riot.

In other news, I'm going backpacking from Tuesday to Thursday. It's the first time I've ever done it, so I'm both super excited and rather apprehensive. It should be great fun.

Anyway, that's all for now. I'll give you a rundown after I get back.

About a girl

There's something about you I can't describe. Is it your joy that is ever present, a smile hidden behind your lips waiting to be released? Is it your laugh, a verbose outburst of happiness and light? Maybe it's your touch sending a shiver down my spine, an expression of total safety and trust? A kiss, a holding hands, a simple time together? It is all of this and so much more. You are my song that inspires me to dance, my love that I will not lose, my joy I can hold in my hands, my hope that encourages in the worst of times. For the past two and a half years I have continued to fall in love with you, gaining a deeper understand and respect for who you are and what you do. You are truly a gift from God, and I will do everything in my power to serve you and make you happy. "I love you" is an expression that does not fully describe my feelings towards you, but it will have to suffice for now.

I love you, and I hope I can dance with you again soon.

Like a piece to the puzzle that falls into place
You could tell how we felt from the look on our faces
We were spinning in circles with the moon in our eyes
No room left to move in between you and I
We forgot where we were and we lost track of time
And we sang to the wind as we danced through the night.

Into The Night - Santana

Interesting note

Go watch here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bxDlC7YV5is&feature=related

I found this interesting after my last post. Eight million views in two weeks, and he's appearing on the Ellen Degeneres show today.

Sexism

Today, I watched a video from a very talented female guitar player on youtube. I was genuinely impressed by how well she understood her instrument. After an enjoyable 4 minutes of good guitar playing, I scrolled down to look at the comments.

Woops.

I'm sure you can guess what was there. The war of the sexes had begun and it didn't look like it was stopping any time soon. Males belittling females, females belittling males, and even some females belittling females. It was somewhat of a case study in that regard.

Anyway, this got me thinking about some things. When you think of sexism, what do you think? If you're like most of America, you probably think of men oppressing women. Don't worry, I do too. Is that all there is to it? Obviously not. We all know that women can be just as sexist. In a way, America is in a sort of sexist backlash at the moment, where men are starting to get more weight put on them. Don't believe me? Go watch TV for about an hour. Done? Ok, tell me how many commercials you saw that had a dumb husband, a boneheaded jock, or some such nonsense.

This is mostly an aside though. What I really started wondering was a bit different. Is it possible to be so careful about being sexist, that you are in fact being sexist? Let me explain by going back to the guitar girl. She has gotten millions upon millions of views on her videos, thousands of fans, has played with a number of very famous artist, and got a record deal. Is she good? Heck yes, but she is one among thousands of other young guitarists, some I wound consider much better. Maybe she just got very lucky, or maybe she had some incredible connections, but I just have this nagging feeling like it may have something to do with gender. Am I being sexist by worrying about it? Some would say so, but I don't personally think I am. She's very good, and I think she deserves the recognition. I just hope she's getting it for her skill, not her sex.

~I need some sort of outro.

Oh how we've changed

Our first year of college is over. Can you believe it? Less than a year ago we were all so scared, fretting and crying over little problems. We didn't know what was expected of us, we didn't do everything right, but good golly we did it.

And through it all, we were changing.

We fought through the obstacles, enjoyed freedom from parents, realized that homework is actually very important, and found that sometimes it is better to procrastinate and have an adventure. When stress built up to the breaking we found creative ways to be alone. When joy was overflowing we found friends to laugh with.

And through it all, we were changing.

Many of us made bad decisions. We worked to little, we worked to hard. We were the life of the party, we isolated ourselves. We forgot about friends, we refused to make new ones. We all had to face something in our lives we didn't want to see, and in the end we defeated it.

And through it all, we changed.

As I look at my friends, I see so many differences. Everyone is older, everyone has matured. In some it is noticeable, a change in the way the see the world and react to it. For others, it is more subtle, a smile when they wouldn't before or a quiet hug when they didn't understand before. I feel more distant with some, far closer with others, and I have met many wonderful people over this year.

Today, my first full day of summer, I take to reflect, and thank God for the wonderful and terrible experiences  I've had over my freshman year.

A post

I'm feeling a desire to write, but I don't really have anything to write about. I had a good time at Gnet tonight.

Friends are pretty awesome. Hanging out, talking to people, just generally relaxing together. It's simply good. Not good like a cake, not good like a movie, just good like only a gift from God can be. Cause that's what my friends are; gifts from God. Doesn't matter if they're new or old, doesn't matter if they're around or far away, doesn't matter if they're angry or happy. They're not just friends, their MY friends. I love my friends.

A scarlet light across the sky
A call of ruin upon the earth.
In what does your hope lie?
In what do you place worth?


If you haven't noticed, I'm not going to try to do a post a day anymore, rather aim for two to three a week. Maybe for if I'm feel particularly inclined. As always, thanks to all who read this outpouring of my poetic personification. Does a man good to speak the inner thoughts sometime.

I need some sort of outro.

Late nights

This has been a rather exhausting weekend, but certainly a good one. I spent Friday night at Dave's house. For those of you who don't know, Dave was my small group leader at youth group during my Junior and Senior year, and has had a huge impact on my life. He's been my mentor, my friend, and my inspiration to be a leader at youth group. I owe him so much for all the time he spent with me. And now he's moving to Seattle.

It came as a bit of a shock when I found out, and it's hard to see him go. We've shared a lot of good and bad experiences, and it'll be strange to not have him around anymore. I'm going to miss him. I'm going to miss him a lot.

At the same time, this is a wonderful point in my life. I have become a leader at my youth group, and I feel like I really belong. The other leaders respect me as an adult, and the students respect me as a leader. I have a place where I can honestly do some good, and use the talents God has given me to bless other people. I may not be happy with everything in my life, but I always have the joy of Christ inside me, and that joy leads me back to him every time.

As Dave leaves, I have an opportunity. I can never be him, but I can step up and fill in the gap. I can finally be the man he's been encouraging me to be for several years. He never gave up on me. He honestly trusts and believes in me. He's always thought I could do it. Now, I finally believe him.

Thank you Dave. Thank you so much for everything you've done for me. You've been an amazing friend and mentor, and I'll really miss having you around. You've taught me so much, maybe more than you realize, and I won't forget it. You helped make me into a leader. I hope I can make you proud.