Undignified

God's love is a dance of sight and sound, a beautiful symphony driving you to lay your worries behind. Worship is the abandonment of self, throwing away pride and fear and simply dancing. With wild abandon, we shake the room with our praise. Forever we disregard thought and simply exist as a part of God's wonderful creation, giving glory to the only being who deserves it. We find our all by sacrificing everything. With dignity left for the proud, I dance for my King.

I’m finding everything I’ll ever need
By giving up, gaining everything
Falling for You for eternity
Right here at Your feet, where I want to be
I am Yours
- Foreverandever Etc - David Crowder Band

Sigh...

God is good, and I'm really not. I try so hard to be better than him, but inevitably I end up failing. I guess it's the plight of humanity for us to always strive to be our own God, throwing off his grace for our own throne of...well, whatever you idolize. Fame? Power? Wealth? We all know what we really want. In the end, I always realize that I can't be God, and my little house of cards comes crashing down. Ashamed I try to hide from him for a time, but that never works either.

It's pretty silly isn't it? God loves us with a perfect love. He will always accept us back, and in fact never left our side in the first place. So when I get high off of all the good things people say about me, God's always there, warning me against pride and selfishness. I sure with I'd listen more.

I really love you God. Thank you for everything you've done for me. I want to do your will, not mine. Please help me understand how you want to use me. Never leave my side Lord, for I am so weak without you. Lead me back to a place of peace, and let me serve you again. Only then am I happy, only then am I free.

Nightmares

He's had this dream before. He knows he can't escape, but he has to run anyway. As the walls rise up and enclose, the Voice begins...
"Run, coward. Run!"
Without another thought he's away. Endless corridors greet him as his breath catches in his throat, strangling and panicking. A left, a right, an aimless race all in hopes of fleeing the endless Voice. Rough walls tear his sleeves, leaving a gift of blood and dirt. It's too much. Too long. He begins to tire.
"Oh no, not that way! You'll never get out that way..."
With a scream he falters on again. He can't understand where it's coming from, the sound endlessly bouncing through the passages. As his lungs burn, he tries to think, tries to understand. He's forgotten it's a dream now. All he knows is danger and pain, as real as as the walls around him.
"Oh silly boy, you know what's going to happen. You can't stop it..."
With a final turn, the game is over. With a dead end before him, a new wave of terror rolls through his mind, hammering into his senses and driving away all thought.
The game is over.


So, before you jump to conclusions, no, I'm not depressed. I'm actually in a really good mood right now. I wrote this as an exercise for myself. I wanted to see if I could convey emotion through my writing, so I picked a fairly universal nightmare of being chased and never being able to get away. I'd like to hear what you think.

Anyway, not much to report today. Still feeling excited about youth group and the opportunities that lie there in. This week is going to be busy, but I think all in all it won't be too stressful. God has really blessed my life over the past few weeks, and I'm looking forward to what he'll show me next.

See you tomorrow!

A quick post

Hey, this one is going to be pretty short. I jammed my finger playing ultimate frisbee today so it's a little hard to type well.

Anyway, today has been a great day. I led that small group I was talking about, and it went far better than I expected. Everyone in the group was talkative and had a lot to say on the topic. I couldn't have asked for a better entry into being a leader. I had so much fun talking and watching them discuss things amongst themselves. I wasn't entirely sure if it was time for me to come back, but I think God really wants me to be there. I don't say this because I'm "all that", but rather because I feel that I am finally ready to give back to my youth group and serve the teens there. Heh, look at me. I'm only 19 and I'm already calling them "teens".

I think God has called me to serve and support other Christians, and I'm proud I can use the gifts he's given me to build up a group of strong Christian men and women.

See what I did there?

     In any long text, it is customary to break your thoughts into different sections, thereby providing clarity and order to your ideas. Now, this can be done in several ways, which I will list in no particular order purely for my own gratification.

     The first, often seen in books, is the "No Space Paragraph". It's not a hard concept really. You just drop a line and throw an indentation in there. This gives a simple, easy to understand connection to the previous paragraph. It helps the action flow through the writing without pause while still arranging it in an organised and concise manner.

     The second is more often seen in long emails or messages than in formal writing. Known as the "Single Space Paragraph", it provides a nice alternative to the No Space Paragraph by allowing some much needed breathing room in betwixt your no doubt deep and intelligent thoughts. It gives the reader a pause, a little break, easily filled by a bite of sandwich or, if your feeling particularly brave, some cereal.

     The final method is what I call the "Wait, Wait, I Wrote Something Really Important Up There, Go Look Again. Really, It's Pretty Awesome", also know as the "I Totally Left This Message Here For An Hour Cause I Had To Take A Shower". I find this form to be the most "out there" and "edgy". It makes the reader absolutely tingle with excitement as they go down not one, but two whole lines to find the next thought, all the while pondering the gravity of an earlier declaration. It is truly a thing of beauty.

     In breaking news, grammar has been beaten to death by large groups of teenagers everywhere. Thought you should know.

     I'm writing this as I should be thinking about what I'm going to do for bible study tomorrow. For those of you that don't know (which is...nobody. I need more people to read my blog...) I have recently become a leader at my churches youth group. While this is totally awesome and all that, it has made me think about how much time I spend really digging into God's word. I have to come to the conclusion that it is not nearly enough.

     I need to work on this quite a bit. I don't think I need to get a God revelation every day of the week, but I do need to start every day with Him in mind, knowing that I am His and His alone. From this knowledge, I think I will be able to give so much more to the people in youth group, and in fact everyone I come across.

     To help me out, I'm going to try and post a little tidbit of what God is doing in my life each day. I don't think it's too much for God to teach me something new everyday, and I hope that the readers of this blog can be encouraged by what he shows me. It would be really awesome if others could join me in this. If anyone wants to, please feel free to leave your daily lesson in the comments on each of my posts, or link to your own blog if you have one.

Get excited, cause it's startin tomorrow.

Giving More

It's 2 AM, rain rolling down the glass.
I can't seem to fall asleep cause I know this life can't last.

I'm wasting time, and I just can't find the way.
I'm lost in a sea of self and I can't hear you when you say.

Your life means more than this.

Woke up next morning, still laying in the same place.
Keep trying to remember what I did, but the whole day's been erased.

I can't keep this up, I'm just wasting all my time
I'm praying for you to come when I hear your voice inside my mind.

Your life means more than this.
So there's no need for me to worry about

Another day rolling by
Another wish unfulfilled
Another hopelessly trying
to save the day that I've killed.

Cause now is the time
That I open up the door
I'm going to dedicate my life
To the art of giving more.

-----------------------------------------------
Needs editing, but it's a song I'm working on. We'll see if I finish or not.

An older writing of mine

Relationships are not what I expected. I guess that's the simplest way to put it. People tell you a lot of things when you start dating. Some if it true, some of it false, and still more that just doesn't apply.

I am no master at the dating game, but I have learned a few things. In truth, it's all about giving. Giving your time, energy, love and trust. It's not something that can be rushed. It has to be built slowly and tended to carefully.

The most prevalent part of my relationship is the feeling that almost anywhere I am, it would be better with her. Having that connection means a lot more that I can say. The feeling that you will be accepted and loved for who you are no matter what you're doing is simply amazing.

Something Beautiful

God has a funny way of hitting you over the head with his awesomeness.

I guess that sentence needs some explanation. So, here's the rundown. Today (or more likely yesterday by the time I'm done with this) I went over to UNC to visit some friends of mine who I hadn't seen in quite some time. Not long after I had arrived, one of them asked me for a favor. It wasn't really a hard favor, and I was happy to do it. But then things got more complicated. In the end, I was walking 15 minutes across campus, alone, at night, to pick my friends up and drive them to a concert that I wanted to go to, but was sold out.

I'm not going to lie, this bugged me. As I started walking, I wrestled with annoyance and anger. I'd come to hang out with them, and now they're using me as a ride? It wasn't fair.

Then it struck me: These were some of my best friends. Am I really so selfish that I can't take 15 minutes out of my day to help them out? I was instantly humbled, and rather ashamed. I talked to God for a bit, and apologized for the way I was acting.

See, it could have stopped here and been a good lesson learned, but God is so much better than that...

Not 2 minutes after I'd stopped praying, one of my friends calls me and tells me that there was an extra ticket to the concert, and if I wanted to go.

So now I'm back at home after an amazing concert that ended an amazing day with friends, all because God knocked me off my high horse. It's good to serve a loving God.

Musings

As I sit and wait for my computer to finish installing a program, I figured I should write a post or something. I mean, that is what this is for, right? Posting random stuff when you're bored that nobody cares about?

The whole idea of a blog has always struck me as slightly odd. Yes, I understand wanted to get your thoughts and ideas out, but do you really want other people to see it? How much of a blogs content do you present to the reader, or is it supposed to be more of an online journal? See, if it's an online journal, I start wondering why I want people to see it. Or maybe I don't want people to see the things I write to myself. In that case, I guess it would change into a blog meant to be enjoyed by the reader. But what sort of content does the reader enjoy? Sweeping statements filled with information about the grand scheme of all that exists upon spinning orb, screaming through the cosmos? Shall I draw upon the creative reservoir stored within my psyche, rendering upright prose to the masses? This seems like a noble endeavor. I could teach and sow the seeds of brilliance!

Or I could just do what everyone actually wants and post funny pictures of cats.

This is the epitome of my circumstance. Why create when you can steal? What joy is art if no one can appreciate it's beauty, or, in fact, comprehend beauty at all? I don't claim to know.

Yet, there is yearning to express, to delve deeper into the mind. What hidden thoughts lie deep within the recessed of my mind? What dark thoughts, what blinding light? It is this question the pulls me ever onward, a chain around my neck that I dare not remove for fear of losing my own understanding. Somewhere inside lies a masterpiece, just waiting to be excavated...

But I swear to GOD, if it ends up being a love song, I quit.

FIRST!

So yeah. I guess I'm going to try this whole blogging thing. We'll see if I can be dedicated enough for it.

Thomas